Consequences

(Two men are sitting at a kitchen table, in front of each other. It is dark outside and the light in the room is dim. Jared has his face hidden behind his hands, Jake has his hands clasped and repeatedly taps his left foot.)

Jake: You said it was okay, that it didn’t matter…

(Jared remains silent.)

Jake: Didn’t you?
Jared: I know what I said.
Jake: So why are you acting like this?Jared: It was a long time ago. Before you came.
Jake (with growing impatience): You never bothered to tell me you had changed your mind...
Jared: Does that even matter?
Jake: You tell me.
Jared: I don’t care.

(Jake sighs and leans his back against the chair. A long silence follows.)

Jake: How did you find out?
Jared: Andy told me.
Jake: What he says isn’t always to be trusted. Not accurately, anyway.
Jared: Which is why I asked you. And you confirmed.

(Jared looks up and seeks Jake’s eyes.)

Jared: Were you ever gonna tell me?
Jake: Obviously.
Jared: So how long did you have to wait, really?
Jake: I... I don’t know, okay? Things were different, you had these... conditions, right?
Jared: Yeah, you can call them that.
Jake: It was kinda refreshing, although they were similar to my views on human relationships. You didn’t care what I did or who I was with.
Jared: I always told you I’m not the jealous type.
Jake: Well, I learnt that the hard way, didn’t I?
Jared: Guess so... I can’t understand jealousy. In my book, that doesn’t make sense.
Jake: It’s not about mistrust, it’s about personal insecurity.
Jared: Never gave you reason for that.
Jake: Personal insecurity comes from within. It was never about what you did or didn’t do.
Jared: You know, I don’t really have a problem with jealousy, ‘coz for me it would mean that I don’t trust you with other people. You say it’s about fearing someone else taking me away from you, which is fine. We came to an agreement. I can’t see how that would happen. You can. We live with it.
Jake: Is this about you dealing you with a never-before-felt jealousy?
Jared: With all the qualities you hold inside, Jake, you still manage to be quite dumb sometimes.
Jake: Yeah, I do that every now and then.
Jared: I always had this... thing. This unwanted feeling of needing to protect us. Not you. Us as a couple. You can mess around, I would mess around if I could, but I feel very protective when it comes to someone interfering with what we are as a whole.

(Jake sighs and lowers his head.)

Jared: See, in theory, I shouldn’t care what you did. It was a one-night flavour, you had your fun. But I do care. I never forbid you anything, but I asked you to be honest with me. Have your affairs, but let me know of them. Screw around, but really be with me when we’re together. You... You spent the weekend partying when I was away because of work and you finished it with a cosy night with that whoever-he-is cyber guy. All fine, you told me about the party. You never told me about the guy. Why?
Jake: I... I was afraid.
Jared: Of what? Did I ever put pressure on you? Did I ever prevent you from doing all the crazy stuff you like doing? Did I ever ask you to stop looking at other people?
Jake: I was afraid I’d lose you.
Jared: Now that’s unexpected news!
Jake: I never thought I’d feel like being with someone else. But I went with the flow that night, alcohol, pot... I wasn’t thinking straight. It was the first time I felt that resisting the temptation was a sacrifice, instead of an honour...
Jared: Really? Just keeps getting better.
Jake: I’m so sorry...
Jared: I’m not sure you are.
Jake (pleadingly): I am, I really am... I know I love you and you’re the person I want to be with... I just... I made a mistake.
Jared: It wasn’t a mistake. It’s fine, we agreed we could do that. I just... don’t feel good about it anymore.
Jake: Can you forgive me?

(Jared breathes in deeply and hides his face again, his voice trembling.)

Jared: I can’t promise you anything.
Jake: Will you try?
Jared: I always do. Please, go away.
Jake: What...? Where should I go?
Jared: I don’t care. I just need to be alone for a while. You’ll hear from me sometime soon.
Jake: Are you breaking up with me?
Jared: I don’t know. Go.
Jake (his voice failing him): I’m so, so sorry, Jared... It’s all my fault. I never meant to hurt you. Don’t give up on me... Please, please... I loved you even then... I... I’m just stupid.

(Jared does not reply. Jake stands up, lays a kiss on Jared’s hair and leaves the house with a barely audible sound behind his back.)

Maria João Pereira